Willie Nelson Has Quit Weed (feat. Andrea Savage) – Lights Out with David Spade


-Is that your water? -Yeah. You been…
-Hmm, thought it was mine. -Okay.
-Oh, we don’t get water. -Fine.
-That’s fine. -Oh, at 6:00, they run some out.
-That’s fine. -RAY: Yeah.
-Uh, thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Brent,
you haven’t been here before. -I haven’t. No.
-SPADE: Yeah. -RAY: Guys, Brent Morin,
everybody. -Yeah. -SPADE: Yeah.
-(cheering and applause) Well… I’m David Spade,
and welcome to Eddie Bauer. Can I help you? -RAY: You still work there?
-I don’t. I’m the scrawny man. Hey, uh… Brawny. -SAVAGE: Yeah, I got it.
-Uh, all right. Well, I’m not ex…
Why am I explaining it to you? Uh, evidently,
you don’t think women get it. But that’s fine. -(laughter)
-RAY: Oh! I like that. SAVAGE:
Oh, boy! Yeah. We’ll take that out later. We’ve got some breaking news,
guys. ♪ ♪ -We’ve also got a new graphic.
-Yeah. Christ. Put it on loud. -Scared the hell out of me.
-What’s your speaker budget? -That was (bleep) terrifying.
-My God. Ladies and gentlemen, Willie
Nelson has stopped smoking weed. -Aw.
-This is not a drill. -I “Willie” mean it. Oh.
-Oh. -Cute. I got that one.
-Yeah. -You did?
-Even girls got it. (laughs) Who wants to stick around
while I fire that writer? Um, he says he did it
for his health, and I think that he’s gonna go– It’s like coming out of a coma. Once he-he gets it out
of his system, he’ll be like, “Wait, do I have ponytails?” I think, I think once he, like, sort of,
comes out of his coma, he’s gonna go back to where
he was the last time he went in and he’s gonna be like,
“Wait, women can vote?” Exactly. And then he’ll probably start
smoking again very quickly. Oh, yeah. Well,
Willie’s a connoisseur, too. I mean, he–
when he was a fetus, he took bong hits
off his umbilical cord. -So that’s… -Oh, that’s true.
That is true. -Hollow it out? But it-it is good,
because his song titles– I don’t know if you have heard– -they’ve just been so lazy.
-No. It was, like– All these tracks
that were titled, like, you know, “Where’d I Put That?” Uh, you know,
“Is Wendy’s on Tinder?” It’s like, you know… -Those are the song titles?
-Yeah. -“Is Wendy’s on Tinder?”
-Oh, you don’t know -what it sounds like?
I guess I’m just– Yeah. -No. -Do it. You got to do it now.
-Sing it. Sing it. I’d love to hear one
or two lines. -What does “Wendy’s on Tinder”
sound like? -Yeah. ♪ Hey, girl ♪ ♪ Are you awake? ♪ -♪ I’ve got… ♪
-That’s a Nickelback song. -Jesus.
-(laughter) “Hey, girl. Are you awake?” -Yeah. “Are you awake?” -“Are
you awake?” -“Are you awake?” He’s gonna wake up and go, “Wait, have I had 55 years
of split ends?” -There’s a frizz in that pick.
There’s a frizz. -There is. I just don’t understand
why th-this is– I mean, he’s, what,
84 years old. -Yeah. -So this isn’t exactly–
It’s not, like, brave that he’s quitting now.
It’s, like, a little… -It’s, like, late, you know?
-It is late in the game. I disagree.
I think it’s even more brave. -Wow.
-Well, continue. Well, because, at this point, he’s not got much time, so… -Whoa, he’s right here!
-Yeah. He is right there.
But I’m just saying, it’s– we don’t know what will happen
to him if he stops. -I feel like it’s been working
this long. -Right. What’s gonna happen when,
suddenly, he pulls that rug out -from under him? -Yeah.
He’s sort of held together -with sticks and mud. It’s like,
why mess with it? -Exactly. Has anybody ever died
from 40 years of cottonmouth? (laughs)
That’s funny. What if Snoop quits?
That’s their other ambassador. -I don’t– I don’t want to live
in a world like that. -No. -I don’t want to…
-He’s gonna wake up and be like, “Wait, I can vote?” (laughter, applause) -That’s good. That was good.
-Good. Good. -Good. -That was good.
-Wait, did I do a show with Martha Stewart? Wait, do I wear shower caps
to the mall? And no one says anything?

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