Waking Up in a Telephone Pole (feat. Myq Kaplan) – I Should Have Died


– I woke up in a telephone pole. Huh, where, oh God! I didn’t know that I was asleep. My name is Myq Kaplan, and this is the time I almost got out of a ticket by dying. The year was 1996, and during that year
I learned to drive. I was working at a summer camp, it was a overnight
sleep away camp. I was a counselor. After the kids go to bed, nobody’s watching
the counselors. I snuck out, I don’t know if it was sneaking, but I guess technically. What could go wrong? I drove to my girlfriends, she was about an hour away. We were breaking up that summer, but I think we hadn’t yet. So, I think we had a nice time, and I was at her home until
about two in the morning. Just like a horror movie, a beautiful love scene, and then disaster. At this point in the story, I am still okay. Ready to make that one
hour uneventful drive back to the summer camp. Along what was I
believe a highway, a Connecticut
highway, a dirt path. It wasn’t well lit, there weren’t tons of lights, but I had my cars
trusty headlights. It was a new car, we were both in great shape. Whizzing down the
road at a break neck, 40 something miles an hour, I go approximately
the speed limit. Getting back to camp, making good time. The road is fine, I’m fine, just whizzing by closed
business after closed business, fences, open fields, buildings, non-buildings. Connecticut, the land of
buildings and non-buildings. And then all of the sudden, “Huh, where, huh, oh God.” I woke up. Adrenaline coursing
through my veins. Normally I’m awake
while driving. And I was still driving. My head snapped up, because apparently
it had been down. Phew, oh boy, okay. Man, imagine if
I’d fallen asleep for more than a split second, that could’ve been real trouble. Lesson learned. That’s the only time
it’ll ever happen, don’t change anything
that you’re doing. Probably open the window to get some cool,
breeze in there. Keep that breeze in the
old face, totally fine. Gonna make it back. And then, “Wow, oh
God, where am I?” I woke up again in
a telephone pole. I mean, not in it, but definitely pretty close. If you were at a
high school dance, they would definitely
try to separate you. They’d be like,
“Hey, not enough room “for the holy ghost there.” This is a holy ghost story. This car would’ve gotten
that telephone pole pregnant. My face I realize had been
half singed from the airbag. My seatbelt, I’m
glad I was wearing, but also my chest was
extremely bruised from it. I was okay because of
the safety equipment, and the only injuries were
also from the safety equipment. Real love hate relationship, like will they or won’t they? Thank you safety equipment. I looked around, I
couldn’t open the door, the car was not in a shape
where that could happen. I climbed out my window, which I think did open, or wasn’t there anymore. I surveyed my further external
to the cars surroundings, and I saw that across the
street there was a business, 24 hour towing, we specialize in collisions. That’s exactly what I need. And I ran over and
the door was locked, and they were closed. 24 hours, but which hours? Good news, the police showed up. At that time, it was also sort of
a bitter sweet thing. I was both in and
out of trouble. Anyway, the cop was like,
“Hello, you need to go “to the hospital?” I’m like, “I think I’m okay.” He’s like, “Okay, we’re gonna
write you a ticket then.” I’m like, “If it’s a
choice between a ticket “and a hospital, one
hospital please.” They gave me a ticket for making an illegal turn. It’s apparently against
the law in Connecticut to turn off the road
through a fence, into a telephone pole
without signaling. The good news is I am alive. I’m not dead, I’m here to tell the
tale, but barely. Bad news is I got that ticket. Life is just a series of
tickets that you have to pay until you pay the final ticket. But when you die
there’s no more tickets.

13 thoughts on “Waking Up in a Telephone Pole (feat. Myq Kaplan) – I Should Have Died”

  1. They fucking gave him a ticket for a car accident that they didn't see until after?

    Fuck them they probably saw he didn't live there and knew they could get away with any ticket

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