– What does a skeleton
order at a restaurant? (crickets chirping) Spare ribs. – That was horrible. – (Trudi) You’re really bad. – (Carlos) Not good.
– (Trudi) Thank you. – I just stuck to the comedy.
I like good white boys. (Jack laughs) – Hey guys, I’m Jack. – And I’m Kyle and we’re producers
here at Try Not To, and we’re really excited
about today’s episode, because we’re doing something
a little bit different, and we wanna see
what you guys think – Can’t wait to hear what you say,
we’ll check in with you at the end of the episode.
Enjoy. Guys, welcome to the show.
How excited are you? – Excited.
– Super excited! – So today, what we have
is three hilarious comedians who are gonna come out here
and go against their better nature. Go against what they’ve been doing
their entire lives and try not to be funny. The comedians will be competing
in three rounds of competition. Whoever is the least funny wins. The comedians gain a point
against them whenever a reactor laughs. The comedian with the most points
after round two will be eliminated
from the competition. Alright, so without further ado, let’s give it up for
our first comedian, Patrick Cloud! – Yes!
– Alight! – Woo!
– Ooh! – I’m about to do some crowd work,
you guys okay with that? – Yeah!
– Yeah! – (Trudi) Sure! – You are magic, huh?
Is that what your shirt says? – That is what that says.
– (Patrick) You are magic? – Mm-hmm.
– What’s your magic trick? Pulling boring out of a hat? – Mmm, damn, got ’em. – What’s your name?
– Kaelyn. – Kaelyn what do you do
for a living? – A lot. – That’s dope, I went to prision. – Oh wow.
– Hmm, dang. – Yeah, so prison’s fun,
it’s cool, the snacks are aight. My prison name was Grabby.
Do with that what you want. This guy gets it.
– How? – That’s what’s up?
Where do you work? – Where do I work?
– (Patrick) Yeah. – Going to school for photography.
– Oh okay. You look like you work
at a thrift store called Badwill. (Alberto laughs)
This guy gets it. This guy gets it.
(buzzer rings) – (Jack) Alright, let’s give it up.
(group laughs) – That was the most awkward set ever! – What exactly was your strategy
going into this? Well once I looked in Aladdin’s eyes,
(group laughs) it was a whole new world
for me, you feel me? You could rub my lamp any day. – Alright, let’s welcome to the stage
our next comedian. Valerie Tosi.
– Valerie, let’s go! – Woo!
– Yes! – Excited that the CVS
diversity showcase came to the show,
this is great. Um, (laughs). You’re wearing a you are magic shirt?
– I am. – Is that because your
Live, Laugh, Love shirt was dirty? (Alberto laughs)
– (laughs) Yes! – I don’t even care,
I’m throwing the game. This hurts too much. It’s fun to watch Walt Jr. laugh,
that’s cool. – Me?
Who’s Walt Jr.? – Ugh, man.
– (Trudi) Dude. – I’m too young, I think. – Yeah, you were born after
Breaking Bad aired, clearly. – (Alberto) I was, yeah. – You’re very stone faced right now. Me even just addressing you
is making you want to laugh right now. (Carlos laughs)
– Oh my God. – Are you kidding me?
Thank you. – (Jack) Let’s hear it for Valerie!
(group applauds) – It’s like an addict.
Like, you know what I mean? Like when you want,
I had to do something. – Let’s give it up for Valerie
one more time. Let’s welcome out Mu Johnson!
– (Trudi) I’m glad I wore the t-shirt. Jesus. – How you guys doing? – Pretty good!
– Good. – (Trudi) Alright.
– Yeah. – Good to see you guys. – (Kaelyn) You too.
– Yeah. – They’ve been hard on you
for your shirt, I like your shirt.
– Thank you. – You are magic.
– (Trudi) You are magic. – That’s a very uplifting shirt. You guys have a bunch of,
is that gang signs on your shirt? What’s on your shirt, buddy?
(group laughs) What is that? What do you do, kid?
– I’m an EMT. – You’re saving people’s lives? – I am, that’s, yeah.
– Really? – (Alberto) Yeah, I know, right? – How’d you get that job,
off Craigslist? – (laughs) No,
I went to school for it. – (Mu) You serious?
– Yeah! – What about you buddy,
what do you do? – Go to school for photography. – You do headshots?
– Not yet. – Will you do mine? (Alberto laughs)
– [Bleep]! – (Alberto) That was good.
– You better come get me. (group laughs) – You didn’t do too great,
and then at the end, I really was a big fan
of when you just decided to go the route of asking people
what they did, and then saying “I like that.” (group laughs) – I wanna make them feel good. You know, a lot of times
people don’t feel good about what they’re doing.
It’s good, clean, American fun, hmm? ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ – What does a skeleton
order at a restaurant? Spare ribs. – That was horrible. – (Trudi) You’re really bad. – (Carlos) Not good.
– (Trudi) Thank you. – What’s it called when a snowman
has a temper tantrum? He has a meltdown. – Mmm.
– Hmm, God. – It’s like I wrote these. – If I had a nickel for every time
I didn’t know what was going on, I would be like… – ♪ Four, three, two, one ♪ – How did I get all these
[bleep] nickels? (laughs) (group laughs)
– That’s a good one. – (Carlos) We laughed
’cause he laughed. – My name is Patrick Cloud,
thank you very much. – Time to bring up our next comedian. Everybody give it up
for Valerie Tosi! – Yes Valerie!
Woo! – Thanks man. The Energizer Bunny was arrested.
Oh my God. On a charge of battery. What do you call a pig
that does karate? – Pork chop?
– Oh my God, you nailed it. It’s a port chop.
– Wow. – Aw, somebody watched Doug as a kid. – (Trudi) Right?
– Don’t even know what that is. – Yep, that’s because you
could be my son. (Alberto laughs) You know, there really is
only one difference between an oral
and a rectal thermometer. – Uh oh. – The taste. – I wouldn’t advise you…
– That [bleep] nasty. – (Kaelyn) Get out of here.
– (Alberto) Gross! – Yeah.
– (Kaelyn) Okay. – Wow, what a good,
what a good taste to leave on. – Valerie, you had a very
tough time out there. – Yep. – But in like the best way,
it turns out. – Oh sure, sure, the best way.
– Yeah. Because right now,
you are murdering the competition. – Oh good, that’s good to know.
– Is it worth it? – No. (laughs)
– (Jack) Okay. – Why do hamburgers
go to the gym? To get better buns. – Mmm. – What’s six inches long
and has nuts? – Uh oh. – (laughs) Sorry. – Almond Joy. (Carlos laughs) Why didn’t the toilet paper
cross the road? ‘Cause it got struck in the crack. – Aw, I get it. – Butt crack. – Yeah, I understand.
– (Alberto) Yeah, in your butt. – That’s all I got.
You guys were [bleep]. – (Trudi) Alright!
– (Kaelyn) That was good. – He would be really
when he works. (laughs) – Mu?
– Yeah. – I think you did,
this is great. I feel very much like…
– You’re protected with me. (group laughs) – How do you think
you did out there? – Jack’s so nervous. – I’m not nervous,
I feel very at home now. I feel like safe. – I just stuck to the comedy,
and everything went good, yeah. – (laughs) You did…
– I like good white boys. (group laughs)
– Jesus Christ! Well guys, that’s the end
of the second round, which means we’re sadly
gonna have to let one of our comics go. – Aw man.
– (Trudi) No! – So to reveal who that’s gonna be,
let’s bring everybody back out. We’re gonna have to
let the person who was actually the most funny go.
It’s Mu! (buzzer rings)
– Oh! – Mu, you were very funny,
thank you so much. Let’s everybody give an applause.
– (Mu) Thank you guys. – Yeah!
– Woo! – (Alberto) Awesome, Mu!
– (Mu) Thank you. – Alright, so Patrick, Val,
for round three, we’re gonna be doing
something a little interesting. We’re gonna be playing
an improv game. ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ – Uh wow, this is really
unexpected, actually. This is the candy shiv award.
(group laughs) – ‘Cause he was in prison.
– Yeah. (laughs) – Oh my gosh, I’m just,
I’m so overwhelmed, like I never thought
that I would win a Flushie. It just, it was stiff competition
out there. A lot of solid, solid competition,
and it just, it feels really,
it feels really incredible. – (Alberto) What? (laughs) – Uh wow, this is crazy. (group laughs) – This is a wand, and…
(group laughs) I’m glad that the point of this
is to make you not laugh. (group laughs) – When I wrote
Tong Tong Tong Tong Tong. (group laughs) I’m working on a song
called Me and My Tweezers. So hopefully…
(group laughs) – Me and my [Bleep]. – I just want to say that
I can’t wait to be home alone with this award,
this is probably the driest you’ll see it
in a while. It’s very exciting.
Thank you guys so much. – Thank you, alright! So this is actually
a very, very close game. Do you think you won,
do you think you lost? – I don’t think I know
what’s up and what’s down at this point, so…
– Yeah. I feel like I was bombing
all episode, so I think I’m in
pretty good standings. – Do you guys think that? – (Alberto) Yeah.
– Yeah. – Yeah, you sucked. (group laughs) – Unfortunately Patrick,
you were just too damn funny. – (group) Oh!
– No, no! – You won!
– I know, but it’s the worst win! – Yeah! Everybody, let’s give
a round for Patrick. – (Trudi) Yes, Patrick!
– (Carlos) Yeah! – I’ve had fibroids removed
that were less painful than this was. – As a prize, we are gonna
give you the opportunity to prove that you actually
are a professional comedian. – Oh good. Um, I get hit on a lot
for wearing glasses. It’s not fun. I’ve had people yell out
of car windows at me, “yo, I’m hot for teacher!” And I’m like,
(group laughs) like, you wouldn’t be
if you knew what they made in a year, you know?
– Ooh, true. – But everyone’s like “you don’t have
to wear glasses anymore.” Like, you can get LASIK. I’m like there’s absolutely
no way I’m getting LASIK. And they’re like “why?” and I’m like you go
to the optometrist? They’re like “yeah.” I’m like are they wearing glasses?
They’re like “yeah.” And I’m like cool,
what do they know we don’t know? It’s also the only surgery
you can get on Groupon. – (Alberto) Oh!
– (Valerie) Like are you kidding me? – I never thought about that. – Like, if your dad gets sick,
you’re not gonna be like oh, dad’s not doing so hot,
you know what, can somebody hop on
LivingSocial for some deals? – (Carlos) Man. – Thank you so much,
I’m Valerie Tosi. – (Carlos) Ooh!
– (Trudi) Yes! – Good golly Miss Molly,
what an episode, Kyle. – It really was different,
wasn’t it, Jack? – So different,
what’d you guys think? Let us know in the comments. – We really wanna hear
your guys opinions and your thoughts.
Subscribe, hit the bell. We’ll see you guys later.
– See ya! ♪ (upbeat outro) ♪