Tommy Little – 2017 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala

(Voice Over) It’s Tommy Little Ladies and gentlemen how you doing? Are you good? Nice to see you all. I got to do a bit of traveling last year. I went to spain. Oh my God sexiest people in the world in Spain You know what dances they all know is Spain? Salsa, Rhumba. A little bit of Salsa Rhumba Luckily I was equipped with the one dance we all learnt growing up here Bit of f*ckin Nutbush
There you go You want to dance? Do I get em’ close enough And the food they eat, it’s delicious Tapas, paella Yeah, that’s right. I just said pay-ayah I can tell you’re a nice theatre crowd. You didn’t even flinch Like that’s probably the correct pronunkiation Say that at a footy club, and they’re like you mean pay-ella d*ckhead It’s Tap-ass and Pay-ella jeez Tap-ass sounds violent doesn’t it Sounds like I ate a dodgy Pay-ella and it gave me tap-ass Most exotic treat I got growing up here was when my mum stuck her head into my room one day before school and she said Tomo Got a bit of a treat for your lunchbox It’s a french treat It’s called a Le` snack I shouldn’t give my mum too much grief But I did only find out one year ago at the ripe old age of 30 that the Ribena Berry ha ha, not a real Berry Oh the language, oh my gosh, the language Like when we meet someone you say ‘hey how ya going?’ And That’s fine, right. But it’s not sexy I learnt one sentence in Spanish and it’s *speaks in Spanish* *speaks in Spanish* and it literally means, I think I might have thrush But how good does it sound? I’d just be like thrush me up. You can stick it in my *Spanish*. Maybe it’s not even the language. Maybe it’s just the accent? That’s how a doctor should give you bad news Like I’m terribly sorry sir, but you have thrush I’d just be like shut up and kiss me? you can be like I’m not going to do that because I just told you that you.. have thrush I did experience some racism ladies and gentlemen I experienced some racism in this very city. Went to a Chinese restaurant with 2 of my best friends Went in, sat down, waitress comes straight over to us
boom boom boom Three dishes in front of us I looked at her and said I haven’t even looked at the menu yet She looks down at my face and she goes no, no I know what you want I said no no I’ve never been here before She looks down and she repeats She goes ‘no no’ White boy, I know what you want Yeah, I was outraged outraged ladies and gentlemen and Then I looked down at the dishes and it was satay chicken, mongolian beef and sweet and sour pork And I was like, ‘you have nailed it’. I had one question. I was like excuse me, and she’s like three forks, and I was like yes, please Thanks ladies and gentlemen Have a great night, take care

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