Everything Is Complicated | Stand-Up Comedy by Vikramjit Singh

So, before I go ahead I just wanna tell you I do My jokes in English
and Hindi both I hope you’re okay with that Because some people are not! This guy met me after a show And said “YOU ARE INDIAN” I said “Erm, yeahh” “Who the hell are YOU?” “PROUD Indian” “Oh” “So what do you want from me?” “I want that you should do your
jokes only in Hindi” “Yeah but why’re you saying it in English?” “Don’t try to act smart, okay?” “And don’t forget your roots!” “Roots are fine, but now I have branches” “What do I do about that?” Unrealistic expectations people have! Sardars are at another level They want me to perform
only in Punjabi And they don’t even wait Till the end of the show To tell me that. In the middle of the show he said “No subtitles, you traitor?” “We’ll pay more if you want” And the entire crowd looked at him “Wow, this one’s funnier” “We paid for the wrong guy” Everyone’s judging everyone That’s the problem. It’s not even like you’re Judging me You’re judging yourselves! If a guy sitting next to you Is having fun he is laughing like crazy And you think “How uncultured!” “Who laughs like that!” Two minutes later When it’s your turn to laugh YOU’RE slapping his thigh Which is why I like doing this Which is why I like Stand-Up comedy. Live stand-up comedy. Think about it! It’s a bunch of strangers Sitting with other strangers Listening to a stranger Otherwise we don’t have that in India We’re not a country where We’re nice to strangers Other countries have this thing Where they cross someone And there’s eye-contact They just smile
Or nod When we have eye-contact We’re just like “What’re you staring at?” “I’ll rip your eyes out” “Don’t talk to him” “Looks like a drug dealer” I was with a friend of mine in his car He was also in it It’s HIS car. And he’s one of those people “Nobody drives my car” “What if they bang it…” “It’s fine. I don’t wanna drive” So we’re in the car We stop at a red-light And this guy crosses the road Random guy. Common man. Crosses the road He looks at him and goes “JERK” And it’s amazing how sure he is! I said “Do you know him?” “No. I just know” What do I tell him? It’s not his fault It’s in our upbringing When I was a kid And I was one Before I went out to play My mom would stop me And she woule be like “Listen…” “If anyone gives you
anything to eat” “Don’t eat” I was 8 years old And to this day I’m waiting. Nobody gives anything! Why’re you showing a kid Dreams that are never Coming true! It has never happened That I’m out on the street And someone comes and says “Would you like some curry and rice?” “It’s in my van. Come with me” But I miss being a kid Been a long time since then What I miss the most is How easy it was
to make friends Remember that? You would just go out to play You’d see another kid And you’d say “I have a bat!” He’s say,“I have a ball” “LET’S PLAY!” And then you play And become friends You have a nice ritual So cute! So innocent! I can’t do that at this age I can’t walk into a room Look at this guy
and go “Wanna play?” “I have a ball” He’s like “I don’t play anymore” “I only invest in mutual funds” Nobody likes meeting new people! But you need to Because you need new friends Because your old friends suck! You know this, right? You’re a group of old friends Five of you on a whatsapp group It’s called “Five Stars”
or something. But… But… Four of you Are on another whatsapp group Because one day all four of you Met up and realized The fifth one is a mistake “Rakesh has changed a lot” “He was nice when we met him” “But didn’t turn out nice” But if you have a friend like Rakesh I’m just telling you Take care of him Because you don’t know this But you’re also somebody’s Rakesh Right now plans are being made To which you’re not invited That’s why you have to come To comedy shows! Yeah! Here’s the thing Just because you have bad friends We have careers No, at best… The best people in your life Are the ones you’re here with And even them You’re like “Glad we don’t have to talk for an hour!” “We’ve paid this comedian” “Let him talk” I don’t know why People are so proud of Not meeting people They’re like “People?” “Noooo” “PUPPY” “Mwaah” “He never breaks my heart” I’m not like them I meet people. I do this thing a lot It’s a process I have I work out of a café or a bar or a coffee shop I open my laptop And I put headphones on And I don’t listen to music Yeah Because the conversation On the next table Is always more interesting You like it But you see their plate “That looks better!” Then you call the waiter and ask “What’s that?” “Get one of that please” “Get us everything in their life” I told you I’m very unsatisfied Even when I’m dating someone I’ll look at another couple With very good chemistry and say “You know…” “We should have what they have” She says “If you say that again” “You won’t even have what you have” So anyway One day I’m sitting there “Working” And there’s a couple next to me Arguing At one point I get very annoyed And say “Excuse me” “Can you please be louder?” He’s like “W..what?” “I’m sorry but…” “We’re having a private conversation” “Yeah so I won’t tell anyone” “I’m sorry. We’d really like it” “If you left us alone” “Would appreciate your co-operation” HOW RUDE! Am I right? People reveal their upbringing
with such bad behaviour My upbringing isn’t like that I’ve been taught to give love “Son, give love” “What if they don’t want it?” “Still give!” So I do that When I’m leaving I pack up my things Walk up to them properly and I’m like “Hey friend!” “Kunal, right?” “I remember” “Nice meeting you, man!” “Let’s meet over the weekend” “Lemme know whenever you’re free” Then he gets up and says “What’s the matter with you?” “We’re not talking to you” I said “Oh trust me” “You were” By the way Even I think it’s too early For you to have a baby You should focus on
your marriage first And then she got up and said “Yeah that’s exactly what I’m telling him” She’s become a good friend of mine And now we’re having a baby You never know! Anything can happen But I like girls Because they’re good to talk to I’m not gonna go To a table full of men Because I’ve been a part of that table And I know what’s happening there It’s a boring table! They’re not even each other’s first choice And there’s stupid conversation “So, how you?” “Good. You?” “Good” “Good then” “Yeah I just said that!” I don’t wanna do this! It’s fun when girls are meeting up When there’s a gang of girls getting together They actually look forward to Seeing each other They actually wanna talk Guys don’t meet like that They’re just like “Dude, where?” “Here” “Stay there” “Coming” Even they don’t wanna
talk to each other Why should I? It sounds like I’m generalizing So I’ll just talk to someone What’s your name? From the audience: “Kudrat” Kudrat, tell me wherever I’m wrong Because this is based on hard research At the cost of my self-respect Kudrat, who’s the girl you’re closest to? “My best friend, Deepa” Your best friend Deepa. Right. So when Kudrat and Deepa meet On a Saturday evening That meeting hasn’t just happened It has taken build-up It has happened Because last Saturday At midnight Kudrat messaged Deepa “Hey” “I have so much to tell you” And Deepa wanted to listen! You think this guy will ever text This guy and say “Bro, I have so much to tell you” “Why??” “I don’t wanna listen to your shit” “Actually, I wanted to share feelings” “So get a bloody dog” She uploads a picture online Deepa is the first one to comment “Hottie” He puts up a picture his friend will be like “You’ve put on weight. Do something.” I love how women show love to each other (Sometimes it’s fake) But I like how much love they show each other “Baby take care of yourself.” “It’s a long journey but you’ll be okay” “I’ll see you in office tomorrow” But we don’t. I wish we did that I love my guy friends! The best thing and the worst thing about them Is that beyond a point We don’t care about each other But sometimes it’d be nice no? But we don’t coz we’re like “I’ve built this big chest” “Can’t show emotion now” I was in Bombay the last time I came I was staying with a friend He was a great host He treated me very well And while leaving I felt the need to do Something cute for him So I left him a thank you note Under his pillow And I went back to Delhi When you do something cute You expect something back But for three days There was no call No message Nothing! In fact a third friend called me “Dude, what have you done to Saurabh?” “What do you mean?” “He said you wrote him a poem” Poem? This is how badly we communicate When a thank you note Feels like a poem! All I had written was “Hey Saurabh. Thank you so much” “For being a great host” “If you ever come to Delhi” “Please let me know.” “See you soon” That’s it He lost it! I hadn’t written anything like “Under your pillow…” “…are all the things we never said”

100 thoughts on “Everything Is Complicated | Stand-Up Comedy by Vikramjit Singh”

  1. if u are around a table full of men …n not feeling like u werent friends anymore…then u definitely need to have show like this man…..i mean are u kidding me. ….when i am with my friends,we dont go for a comedy show u know ….we dont have to…..mai bhi thek hu..or tu kaisa hai? seriously ye to nahi hota bhai dosto k beech had hai….only that part my mind wasnt accepting…thats it…

  2. If I ever talk nicely to my friend.
    He's like " chodd gayi kya?".
    And next thing u know, fir gaaliyaan chalti hain!😬
    Guy friends 😓

  3. J.K Rowling – "If you don't like to read , You haven't found the right book."
    Maybe I'm the same guy 🤔
    But sir If it happens that you publish a book someday I will have a great time reading it.
    You have great thought process.☺

  4. Yes, you are right, none might offer anything to eat anything. They just pick up kids from sleep and destroy their childhood and either leave them to die or they are found somewhere

  5. "Do you think this guy will ever text this guy…?" What a HOOT! "So Get a Bloody Dog!" LOL LOL OLO. Love it! Thanks, man.

  6. Man, I just love your stand-up acts, especially those perfectly timed pauses and precise deliveries. I just wish you include more of those Punjabi one-liners like, "Hor paihe le le yaar". Nothing cracks you up like a solid Punjabi or Haryanvi one-liner. You are heads and shoulders above the current crop of stand-up artists. Please be more regular with your uploads.

  7. Vikramjit…as i always appreciate u never using slangs..yet has everyone in splits…
    About men bonding..we girls long to bond like them..without complicated emotions..,.great job..

  8. I disagree… girls mostly show fake affection but we guys brutally honest with each other & yes we care for some friends but don't show it beause of stupid social standards

  9. Clean comedy, You can make people laugh continuously. I have seen almost all your videos! Kudos to you.

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