Every Chappelle’s Show Sketch That Was a Bad Influence on Kids


– You’re Chris Rock? – It’s Dave Chappelle
but close enough. (pulsing music) ♪ He’s been away for a while
but he’s back around. ♪ – Y’all tell anybody
I’ll kill you! I’ll kill ya. ♪ The kookiest crack
head on the town ♪ – Peanut butter
and crack sandwich. ♪ He’s happy back in
the joint but now he’s ♪ – Look out crack here I come! ♪ He’s Tyrone. ♪ – [Announcer] This week, Tyrone
visits a local middle school to promote drug awareness. – We have a very
special surprise today. Let’s hear it for
Tyrone Beckhams. (cheers and applauds) – Hi kids, thank you
very much, teacher. – Oh. – It is truly a honor and a
privilege for me to be here at Pinehurst School, or whatever your
school is called today. I say it’s a privilege
because it’s a violation of my parole to be
around children. But enough about that. Hello, little boys
and little girls. Mmm, mmm, mmm, kids, y’all
at looking at a bad man, I should not be in
front of you today, drugs and alcohol,
have ruined my life. I started doing drugs
when I was little, just like you fella. Me and my friends would go
home and smoke marijuana after school, can
you say marijuana? – [Kids] Marijuana. – That’s what I was
smoking, sometimes dipping embalming fluid. And me and my friends
would laugh and giggle and eat all the cookies,
it was terrible, terrible. – I can definitely say
he was the absolute worst antidrug speaker, in
the history of drugs. – Then I upgraded to a
little drug called acid, very inexpensive and
affordable, even young children could afford it it’s so bad. I did two hits of that, and
Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo and all my favorite cartoon
stars came to my room and ate cookies with
me and sang songs for 16 hours, God damn. ♪ Talking about the Tyrone ♪ ♪ Don’t clean up your room ♪ And Mickey Mouse was doing
the base line like this. ♪ Bow bow bow boom ♪ ♪ Ba ba ba booom ♪ – And then he basically
told them where and how to buy the stuff. – We all know we can
sneak into our mama’s room when she’s sleeping and take
five, 10 maybe 20 dollars out of her purse, run
on down to Third Street catch the D bus downtown and
meet a Latin American fella named Martinez, we know that. And we know that Martinez
stuff is the bomb. Kids, drugs is all around you,
how would I know when drugs is around you, you
might be asking. Well, I tell ya, you
with them magic markers, what you think that is,
some kind of crayon, no, take that cap off and sniff
it and you’ll be high. – These little ones are
10 and 11 years old. – You, you know what dog
food tastes like, do ya? It tastes just like it smells. Delicious. I’m gonna tell you how
I go to the bathroom. Ha ha ha ha ha, ha. (farts) – I thought the worst
was over, I was mistaken. – That children was the first
time I (beeps) a (beeps) for crack, but it
wouldn’t be the last. Why one time I seen Martinez, I’m trying to save
some children. – Lovely and moving
and graphic story. – You’re welcome teacher bitch. (gasps) I’m not finished but
that’s all right. Can I get cash for this
I got some errands to run and I don’t think I’m
gonna make the bank. – I, I, um. – It’s my money
bitch, I earned it, give me my speaker stash. Thank you kids. Good bye. ♪ He’s been banned for a
while but he’s back in town ♪ ♪ The kookiest crack
head in the town ♪ ♪ He kicked his habit
back in the joint ♪ ♪ Now he’s back on drugs ♪ ♪ He’s finally
home, he’s Tyrone ♪ – [Narrator] Coming
this fall on the WB, look out Jamie Kennedy, there’s a new video
prankster in town, and he goes by the name
Dave Chappelle, Zapped! Watch the look on these kids
faces when Dave tells them their parents are dead. – How you kids doing? Welp, kids, doctors job is
hard, it never gets harder than telling you guys that
your parents are dead. (cries) (moans) (laughs) – Foster care’s coming
to pick you guys up and someone’s going to
adopt you right like this. I would, all right
guys, be good. Be good to each other, hopefully
they don’t split ya up. All right, take care. Oh by the way I
forgot to tell you. Psych, I’m just kidding,
come on out mom and dad, come on out. – Why did you do this to us? – (laughs) y’all been zapped. (blasts) – [Narrator] Look out America, ’cause when Dave
Chappelle’s around you might get Zapped, (blasts). (audience applauds) (soft music) – Oh good, you’re awake. – Yeah. – I have a surprise
for you sweetie. – More applesauce? – No, this is a good
one, you know how your favorite movie
is Half Baked? What if I told you
Dave Chappelle is here? – Really?
– Mmhmm, mmhmm. – Where Mommy? – Come on in Dave. He’s right here. – Hey. Your mom told me you
were sick so I figured I’d come on by and
pay you a visit. – I’ll leave you two alone. – Okay, thanks. Ah, so what you got
here, Playstation? – [Kid] Street
Hoops, want to play? I’m warning you though,
I’m pretty good. – I don’t know if
I can take losing to a little guy like you. – Come on, it’s just a game. – All right, come on let’s play. – Really? – Yeah let’s go. – All right, I’m player
one, you’re player two. – Okay, I think I’ve
done this before. Ah, ah. One oh, one oh. That’s two, that’s me. – Two up. (mumbles) – Ah, okay. Come on Billy, damn it. – Hurray for me. – Hurray for me, all right, fine you little
bitch, you aint scoring no more. Come on, ball up. I’m gonna steal
it, I’m coming down Billy look at my
game it must hurt. Oh, oh, in your face
Billy, I’m sorry man. I’m sorry dude, it was good
though, that’s all me baby. Here it come, (stammers)
hurray for me! Hurray for me, Billy! In your face. Children is our future my ass. I’m the future, I’m the future. Oh, ah, oh, you can’t deny
me Billy, you can’t deny me it’s too real for you. What did I say you weren’t
gonna score no more. Tell your little friends
dreams do come true. Dave Chappelle came and
saw ya in the hospital and whooped your monkey
ass in some Street Hoops. You think this is my first time? I got Playstation, I’m
rich, I’m rich, bitch. Uh, hmm, here it
come, with it, oh. – I don’t want to play anymore. – You better pick them
little sticks up white boy and get to the game. I have an agenda and
it goes like this, oh. – Dave, I don’t feel good,
could you call the nurse for me? (beeps) – Yeah yeah, all right,
are you all right? Hold on. Nurse, could you come
in here please quickly, Billy is getting his ass
whooped on Street Hoops, I need a witness. Huh, oh yeah! It’s so good.
(deadlines) Billy it’s so good. Billy, Billy. Oh my god Billy, nurse. Billy, don’t you die on
me, don’t you die on me. Clear. (moans) Billy, Billy. You all right man? Huh? You okay? You all right? Here, here, grab your
sticks, come on let’s go. I’m not losing that edge
now, we’re almost done. I’m almost done,
(cheers) in your face. Oh Billy, I should have
left you dead baby. ’cause that, that was a killa. – Dave, can’t you see
I’m dying of cancer? – Look Billy, I’m sorry, man. Look, I wasn’t trying
to make you feel bad, I just trying to
teach you a lesson. You can beat cancer but
if you want to beat it you gotta be tough, okay? And I see it in you Billy, you gonna make it. – Really? – Hello no, you
play like a bitch. (laughs) hold up, Game! (laughs) In your face, in your face. (laughs) Feel better. – Half Baked sucked anyway. (soft music) – Everyone, look what I found. It’s, it’s a dagger. – [Kids] Wow. – [Bobble] Oh that’s
not a toy there Robert. – [Kids] Bobble. – Hey kids, yeah,
you better be careful when you’re handling
those things, that’s not a dagger at all, it’s called a syringe,
people use it to inject the drug called heroin directly
into their blood stream. – Why? – Probably because you
get higher that way than sniffing it. – Bobble, why do
people get high? – Oh, very good
question young lady, for all kinds of reasons. Some people think they need it
just to get through the day. And some people
just like to party. And can quit whenever they want. Like me. (shouts) OH, ya.
(bright music) (moans) Kids, there are a lot of
doubles standards about drugs in this country. (soft music) ♪ Kids it’s time
to keep it real ♪ ♪ Life is hard ♪ ♪ And I can’t deal ♪ ♪ I know it looks
a certain way ♪ ♪ But people get high ♪ ♪ Every day ♪ ♪ Some people do it
with cigarette smoking ♪ ♪ Others treat their
headaches with Ibuprofen ♪ ♪ Your grandpa talks
about self respect ♪ ♪ And then he takes drugs
to keep his cock erect ♪ ♪ But it’s all drugs to me ♪ ♪ It’s all drugs to me ♪ (moans) – That junks kicking in kids. It feels like I have a
million teeny tiny kitty cats rubbing my balls as I skeet
skeet skeet all over the walls. (laughs) let me bring this bitch home. ♪ They’re all ♪ ♪ Drugs ♪ ♪ To ♪ (audience laughs) ♪ Me ♪ (cheers and applauds) – I’m going to the emergency
room, bye bye kids. (bangs) You see kids, always
throw away your trash. I’m fucking dying man. – Look, it’s Dingle. And hey, you’re Chris Rock. – It’s Dave Chappelle
but close enough. – Where are you guys going? – Well Dangle’s
not feeling well, so I’m taking him to the doctor. – What’s wrong Dangle? – Actually it’s my penis. – What’s that? (unzips) – [Kids] Ew! – When I peepee it
burns like hell, I have what’s known
as a venereal disease. – How did you get it? – From fucking. (audience laughs) I got so much puppet ass
it could be from anywhere. – What’s the sickness called? – I’m not sure Robert. That’s why we’re
going to the doctor. There’s a lot of different kind of penis sicknesses out there. Isn’t that right Q-tip? – That’s right Dave, all kinds. ♪ Sex isn’t wrong but
you gotta be right ♪ ♪ If you’re hitting the
sheets then wrap it up tight ♪ ♪ Listen up kids,
’cause I aint joking ♪ ♪ One bad decision, your
dick will be smoking ♪ ♪ You’ll catch a VD but
don’t take it from me ♪ ♪ I’m Gonorrhea,
and that’s a fact ♪ ♪ If you can’t say that
then call me clap ♪ ♪ I wait in genitals
just like a trap ♪ ♪ And burn up lovers
like bacon fat ♪ – Oh hello Dave Chappelle,
haven’t seen you for a while. What’s it been, two months? – Dirty motherfucker. Oh, here come the crabs. ♪ Guess who, the crabs ♪ ♪ Your pubes we grab ♪ ♪ We wait on bedsheets ♪ ♪ And toilet seats
then pinch your nuts ♪ ♪ With our feet ♪ ♪ The crabs, oh yes, the crabs ♪ ♪ Oh the crabs ♪ ♪ Ole ♪ – This nigger’s a freak ♪ Oh hey gang, don’t hurt me,
it’s little ole me, Herpes ♪ ♪ Cooler than your best friend ♪ ♪ I’ll stay with
you til the end ♪ ♪ You won’t see me everyday ♪ ♪ But every few years
I’ll come say hey ♪ ♪ That’s right ♪ ♪ No cure for me in sight ♪ ♪ I won’t go without a
fight, I’m the Herpes ♪ ♪ The Herpes, see you
in hell motherfuckers ♪ – Oh baby, I like it raw. – Oh gosh. – Wow, life is hard. – No it’s not Lisa, all right
look, if you just remember to keep your genitals
out of harms way, don’t chase money, and refrain from littering,
you’ll be a winner. – [Kids] Yay. – Q-Tip, take us home. Come on kids. ♪ It’s a VD day ♪ ♪ VD day, VD day ♪ ♪ It’s a VD Day ♪ ♪ VD day, VD day ♪ (pulsing music)

33 thoughts on “Every Chappelle’s Show Sketch That Was a Bad Influence on Kids”

  1. I think the funniest thing is that i was 9 when i used to watch this show on tv… so, i can say, yes the chappelle show is for children

    it teaches kids to have humor and not be offended by everything, like the kids nowadays…
    when i have kids, I'm definitely showing them the chappelle show

  2. @Comedy Central , please make it age-restricted for children .

    Such material were aired bed time so now with youtube that should be age restricted (drugs normalisation…)

  3. "Every Chappelle's Show Sketch That Was a Bad Influence on Kids"
    I get that Comedy Central has to say that, but it's not true. How about the kids growing up in the Projects around real Tyrone Biggums?
    Their everyday lives are a bad influence. Being real about the difficulty and being low-key educational isn't a bad thing…and injecting humor into the struggle like heroin into the bloodstream is incredibly healthy. 😀

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